RANT ALERT: Alan Green is an obnoxious buffoon!
ByI’m not going to beat about the bush. I think the infamous 5Live commentator encapsulates everything that is wrong with football broadcasting in the UK.
Listening to football on the radio is a bit old hat these days. However, those who grew up without the luxury of Sky Sports (queue the violins…), I assume will be more than familiar with Alan’s “work”.
Alan Green is a Liverpool fan. And he hates Man United with a passion. But that is not why I dislike him.
In contrast, Alan Hansen is by far my favourite football pundit. He is to football punditry what Alan Shearer was to football. Ruthless but fair. He even has the “you can’t win anything with kids” clanger as his “Neil Lennon” moment.
Sadly the reverse cannot be said for Mr Shearer’s observational chit chat. He is far from solid and dependable, and is prone to making gaffs on a weekly basis!
Anyway, back to Alan Green.
I don’t like Alan Green because he is one of the most negative, self important idiots I have ever had to listen to. The sort of person that stands at the bar in his local pub ranting at randoms that “Manager X knows less about football than my mother” and “Player Y is rubbish, he wouldn’t get in a pub team”.
Everyone knows someone with completely unfounded, uninformed clueless football opinions like this. The problem is it is highly unlikely they are allowed to broadcast their musings to the entire country on a weekly basis. And they certainly wouldn’t be paid a healthy sum to do so!
He would not be allowed to keep such a high profile position anywhere else other than the BBC.
I had to endure 10 minutes of AG’s high pitches dross on Wednesday night as I drove to the gym. I never thought the day would come where I would be as ecstatic to here Jim Beglin’s voice as I was when I plonked myself on that exercise bike that night. Truly, raging boner ecstatic.
For those that are unaware of quite how bad AG is, you now probably have some perspective.
No doubt you are all wondering what this has to do with betting. Well it is a tenuous link at best I am afraid. So if you were here looking for something to bet on, tough titties.
Well during our brief 10 minute rendezvous, good old “Greeny” told me absolutely nothing about the game in hand, which unlike him I was not fortunate enough to be able to see, but repeatedly banged on about how “awful” Salomon Kalou is.
Apparently Kalou was guilty of missing a Ronnie Ronsentalesque sitter a few minutes earlier. But I wouldn’t know as the commentators are far to important to tell you what has been going on. They have people to educate you know.
Anybody new to the game would have thought Kalou was a overweight Sunday league centre half lumbering around up front at Stamford Bridge the way he was going on.
He informed me that Jose Mourinho seemed to rate him.
He informed me that Avram Grant seemed to rate him.
He informed me that Guus Hiddink seemed to rate him.
He informed me that Carlo Ancelotti seems to rate him.
I am aware Arsene Wenger has made multiple attempts to tempt Kalou away from Stamford Bridge with the lure of regular first team football.
But all of this is clearly irrelevant nonsense. All that matters is that Alan Green, football guru, and one of the greatest football mangers of his generation apparently, thinks he is crap.
The opinions of four of the most successful managers to have graced the Premier League are, undoubtedly, worthless.
Not only is this man a rude, racist (see link below) imbecile, but he also manges to combine an amazing level of arrogance and down right stupidity.
Those that saw the game will know that Kalou went on to score the opening two goals in Chelsea’s 4 – 0 victory. I didn’t get the pleasure of listening to Alan’s verdict on these developments, but then again having listened to him for 15 years, I didn’t need too.
A ropey finish for the first goal, in fact if it hadn’t been for some swirling winds, Kalou would have almost certainly put the ball over the bar. To be honest I am not even really sure why they gave him the goal.
And, the second goal. Well that was diabolical marking. The Madrid full back is a disgrace to the modern game. His a lack of effort is symbolic of the modern game. The Champions League is no doubt only terrorized by such amateurs due to the fact that “non champions” are farcically allowed to play in it.
Wasn’t like that in Alan’s day you know? Champions only. 16 teams. Real football.
Get over it Alan. It’s a good job it isn’t like that these days isn’t it?! Or your beloved Liverpool would still be awaiting their Champions League baptism.
Just to prove I am not just a bitter and twisted Man United, here are a few more members of the Alan Green fan club…
Click here
Back to that tenuous link.
Some of the only people in the world with more stupid footballing opinions than Alan Green are Newspaper “tipsters”. Particularly the free London paper tipsters those of us marooned in the capital have to put up with.
The worst, Steve Mullen of The London Paper, was thankfully put out of his misery this month when the paper went bust. I’m not bloody surprised if any of the big wigs there were following Steve’s picks.
This so called betting experts favourite party trick was quoting accumulator victories of dependent events.
“If you had gone with my predictions this weekend of Rooney to score first, Man United to win 3 – 0 and Man United to win both halves against Bournemouth, £10 on the treble would have seen you win a handsome £2,115!”
You can’t do that you wally. That is a schoolboy error.
So now Londoners are left with the London Lites resident tipster to set us on our way to the promised land of riches.
Their tip for the Chelsea v Athletico Madrid game? A half fit Michael Ballack to score anytime at 2/1.
An unusual choice, I thought to myself, in between whiffs of some (other) sweaty accountant’s armpit on my way home. Do these guys research their choices? Or even put any thought into these things?
I decided to have a look at Zi Keiser’s Champions League goal scoring record for Chelsea. Prior to Wednesday night, 25 games… 17 goals. What a great bet! Only joking. 25 games, 4 goals. Including one Fat Frank-less penalty.
So for the purposes of Wednesday nights game, 25/3. A goal every 8.33 games.
Not ideal for a 2/1 punt is it?!
Fair enough Athletico Madrid are not Real Madrid, well this week I should say Barcelona… oh hang on a minute I mean they are not Rubin Kazan!
But they aren’t exactly one of Europe’s minnows and perennial whipping boys are they?! The 4-0 scoreline was probably as far as even the most optimist Chelsea fan was stretching.
The moral of this War and Peace length diatribe?!
Don’t listen to the newspaper tipsters. Unless four of them gang up on you and threaten to make you listen to Alan Green on 5live if you don’t.
I’m not going to beat about the bush. I think the infamous 5Live commentator encapsulates everything that is wrong with football broadcasting in the UK.
Listening to football on the radio is a bit old hat these days. However, those who grew up without the luxury of Sky Sports (queue the violins…), I assume will be more than familiar with Alan’s “work”.
Alan Green is a Liverpool fan. And he hates Man United with a passion. But that is not why I dislike him.
In contrast, Alan Hansen is by far my favourite football pundit. He is to football punditry what Alan Shearer was to football. Ruthless but fair. He even has the “you can’t win anything with kids” clanger as his “Neil Lennon” moment.
Sadly the reverse cannot be said for Mr Shearer’s observational chit chat. He is far from solid and dependable, and is prone to making gaffs on a weekly basis!
Anyway, back to Alan Green.
I don’t like Alan Green because he is one of the most negative, self important idiots I have ever had to listen to. The sort of person that stands at the bar in his local pub ranting at randoms that “Manager X knows less about football than my mother” and “Player Y is rubbish, he wouldn’t get in a pub team”.
Everyone knows someone with completely unfounded, uninformed clueless football opinions like this. The problem is it is highly unlikely they are allowed to broadcast their musings to the entire country on a weekly basis. And they certainly wouldn’t be paid a healthy sum to do so!
He would not be allowed to keep such a high profile position anywhere else other than the BBC.
I had to endure 10 minutes of AG’s high pitches dross on Wednesday night as I drove to the gym. I never thought the day would come where I would be as ecstatic to here Jim Beglin’s voice as I was when I plonked myself on that exercise bike that night. Truly, raging boner ecstatic.
For those that are unaware of quite how bad AG is, you now probably have some perspective.
No doubt you are all wondering what this has to do with betting. Well it is a tenuous link at best I am afraid. So if you were here looking for something to bet on, tough titties.
Well during our brief 10 minute rendezvous, good old “Greeny” told me absolutely nothing about the game in hand, which unlike him I was not fortunate enough to be able to see, but repeatedly banged on about how “awful” Salomon Kalou is.
Apparently Kalou was guilty of missing a Ronnie Ronsentalesque sitter a few minutes earlier. But I wouldn’t know as the commentators are far to important to tell you what has been going on. They have people to educate you know.
Anybody new to the game would have thought Kalou was a overweight Sunday league centre half lumbering around up front at Stamford Bridge the way he was going on.
He informed me that Jose Mourinho seemed to rate him.
He informed me that Avram Grant seemed to rate him.
He informed me that Guus Hiddink seemed to rate him.
He informed me that Carlo Ancelotti seems to rate him.
I am aware Arsene Wenger has made multiple attempts to tempt Kalou away from Stamford Bridge with the lure of regular first team football.
But all of this is clearly irrelevant nonsense. All that matters is that Alan Green, football guru, and one of the greatest football mangers of his generation apparently, thinks he is crap.
The opinions of four of the most successful managers to have graced the Premier League are, undoubtedly, worthless.
Not only is this man a rude, racist (see link below) imbecile, but he also manges to combine an amazing level of arrogance and down right stupidity.
Those that saw the game will know that Kalou went on to score the opening two goals in Chelsea’s 4 – 0 victory. I didn’t get the pleasure of listening to Alan’s verdict on these developments, but then again having listened to him for 15 years, I didn’t need too.
A ropey finish for the first goal, in fact if it hadn’t been for some swirling winds, Kalou would have almost certainly put the ball over the bar. To be honest I am not even really sure why they gave him the goal.
And, the second goal. Well that was diabolical marking. The Madrid full back is a disgrace to the modern game. His a lack of effort is symbolic of the modern game. The Champions League is no doubt only terrorized by such amateurs due to the fact that “non champions” are farcically allowed to play in it.
Wasn’t like that in Alan’s day you know? Champions only. 16 teams. Real football.
Get over it Alan. It’s a good job it isn’t like that these days isn’t it?! Or your beloved Liverpool would still be awaiting their Champions League baptism.
Just to prove I am not just a bitter and twisted Man United, here are a few more members of the Alan Green fan club…
Click here
Back to that tenuous link.
Some of the only people in the world with more stupid footballing opinions than Alan Green are Newspaper “tipsters”. Particularly the free London paper tipsters those of us marooned in the capital have to put up with.
The worst, Steve Mullen of The London Paper, was thankfully put out of his misery this month when the paper went bust. I’m not bloody surprised if any of the big wigs there were following Steve’s picks.
This so called betting experts favourite party trick was quoting accumulator victories of dependent events.
“If you had gone with my predictions this weekend of Rooney to score first, Man United to win 3 – 0 and Man United to win both halves against Bournemouth, £10 on the treble would have seen you win a handsome £2,115!”
You can’t do that you wally. That is a schoolboy error.
So now Londoners are left with the London Lites resident tipster to set us on our way to the promised land of riches.
Their tip for the Chelsea v Athletico Madrid game? A half fit Michael Ballack to score anytime at 2/1.
An unusual choice, I thought to myself, in between whiffs of some (other) sweaty accountant’s armpit on my way home. Do these guys research their choices? Or even put any thought into these things?
I decided to have a look at Zi Keiser’s Champions League goal scoring record for Chelsea. Prior to Wednesday night, 25 games… 17 goals. What a great bet! Only joking. 25 games, 4 goals. Including one Fat Frank-less penalty.
So for the purposes of Wednesday nights game, 25/3. A goal every 8.33 games.
Not ideal for a 2/1 punt is it?!
Fair enough Athletico Madrid are not Real Madrid, well this week I should say Barcelona… oh hang on a minute I mean they are not Rubin Kazan!
But they aren’t exactly one of Europe’s minnows and perennial whipping boys are they?! The 4-0 scoreline was probably as far as even the most optimist Chelsea fan was stretching.
The moral of this War and Peace length diatribe?!
Don’t listen to the newspaper tipsters. Unless four of them gang up on you and threaten to make you listen to Alan Green on 5live if you don’t.